Thank You Lord!!!

Can you believe it?!?

Oh yeah ...

It was negative. Hmmm ... maybe I should have updated this a bit more often.

But, let me tell you my horrible experience with Clear Blue Easy Digital Pregnancy Tests. I took one Monday, it was 'not pregnant'. Took one Tuesday, it was 'not pregnant'. Took one Wednesday, and as I was waiting for the little hour glass thingy to come up to indicate it's working it pops up as 'pregnant'. I was soooooo beyond excited and running around the house looking for the phone to call Jason when all of a sudden it starts faltering and fading and then just turned into a blank screen. It was a dud. Clear Blue will sooooo be hearing from me about this!!!

11 DPO ...

My bb's quit hurting the other day and then started hurting like crazy today. Good sign right? Apparently not.

Yesterday I was 100% sure that I would not test until Thursday because I wanted to hold onto the hope of an actual pregnancy. Today after about an hour of poking my bb's I just got up went to the bathroom, peed in a cup and stuck the stick in. I guess I didn't have that much resolve in me after all. It was negative. This was the two line kind of test and of course there was a second line ... I knew it was an evaporation line but it came up within 3 minutes. So, since I still had the cup of pee I put the other stick in. This is the digital one that actually has words ... not pregnant. At least it's definitive.

CD 8 ... 7 days In

My theory is currently holding true ... fast, slow, fast, slow, fast, slow and fast again ... in regards to how long it takes me to stim.

As a recap ... this time last cycle I had my 2nd monitoring appointment where I had a lining of 4.9, a few 7's and a 9 or a 10 on my right side and a shrinking 10 on my left.

This cycle ... big difference ...

Lining ... screen read 7.7 but it was recorded as triple 8
Right Side ... 1 @ 15.5, 1 @ 15 and 1 @ 7
Left Side ... 1 @ 15 and 1 @ 18

I am anxious to see where things stand when they call. If it was two cycles ago I think they would have me trigger tonight. But, when I had the consult with Dr. Drosch in January she indicated they would hold me off as long as possible. But then again, I did surge on my own last cycle. And yet they have ordered ganirellex for me to prevent surging. But being that I already have one at 18, we might not have started the ganirellex in time. I have been called a medical anomaly in the past ... I think it still holds true ...

I do think it is safe to say that the IUI will happen sooner rather then later.

CD 6 ... 5 Days In

I had my first monitoring appointment today. I'm feeling pretty good about it.

Right Side
2 @ 10 and 2 smaller

Left Side
1 @ 10 and 1 @ 11

Lining
6.6

We discussed the possibility of going with two samples this time around. She highly recommends having two available in case one falls ... whereby they would cover the cost ... or in case the numbers are very low.

We then discussed the use of Ganirellex. She looked over my chart and saw that I surged last cycle on my own. The surge came at an appropriate time where I had a 18.5, a 17.5 and a 14.5. This ... meaning the surge ... would be another case where we would use two samples and have two IUI's. In this case they would do an u/s to see if there has been a collapse of a follie and if not, they would do a second IUI.

However, back to the Ganirellex, she thinks it would be an appropriate med to use in my situation. She warned that it is more aggressive, slightly improving the odds for multiples. We discussed how two is ideal, three is ok ... but we want to avoid quads. Obviously. But, we put back four embryo's ... actual babies ... and we didn't get a take home baby. She merely said 'point taken ... let's do it'.

So, they are calling in the Ganirellex for me today and I'll hear back from Freedom Drugs tomorrow. Also the Estrace ... which they are ordering the generic for me this time around. I don't get this ... I was on estrace for 27 days last cycle. I told Patty I had 4 and she ordered me an additional 20. Why would she order me only 20? That puts me at 24 ... 3 shy of how many I used last cycle. And when she ordered it ... she ordered brand name only ... which cost me $27 instead of $10. So, I paid $17 over the going price originally and now I have to pay another $10 ... that is IF the insurance company will let me order more so quickly after ordering the first set. Grrrr!!!

CD 2 ... 1 Day In

I had my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork this morning ... all was fine and I will be starting meds tonight.

3 Gonal F
1 Repronex
1 Estrace Tablet

Patty, my nurse, called three times. Once returning my call and telling me that we are a go, once telling me to start on cd 3 not cd 2 ... and once telling me nevermind on the cd 3 thing that I needed to start on cd 2.

I go back in on Sunday for more u/s and bloodwork.

CD 1 ... Again

After several days of very light flow I finally got full flow today. I called the doctor's office several times over the last several days telling them I had flow but it wasn't full flow. They assured me that I needed to wait until I had full flow. I took their advice, not wanting to go in with lining that was too thick and possibly another cyst.

I go in tomorrow for the baseline.

Negative

And Now There Is Blood

I had my blood drawn this morning at 8 am.

I wish that was the blood that I was referring to. When I got home from the neurologist with little man I went to the bathroom and I saw red when I wiped. This is not good news.

I know that I wrote all my symptoms down so that next time I wouldn't overanalyze every little thing ... but I still had strong hope that this was THE cycle anyhow.

It's not full flow yet ... only spotting and only when I wipe. We have made the decision to try again with the next cycle ... if I don't have any cysts. So when cd 1 officially arrives which may very well be today ... if not then probably tomorrow I will call in and get my cd 2 baseline on the books.

I'm going to ask about the possibility of using lupron or ganirelex as a lh inhibitor this time around. From what I know, it's not common to use during ovulation induction cycles ... at least I have never heard of it ... I just don't know why. Doesn't hurt to ask.

Also, we will be having two IUI's this next cycle instead of just the one.

The Night Before

Tomorrow is the big day ... I go in tomorrow morning at 8 am sharp for my blood test ... actually a little bit earlier as we need to be across the street at St. Charles Hospital for Little Man's appointment with the neurologist.

How do I feel? My bb's are killing me. I have a sore throat. I'm having severe food aversions. I'm feeling blah ...

I took a test tonight. It was negative ... maybe. It was about 20 minutes after I peed. I had been drinking alot ... a can of soda and a 32 oz cup of water. I went to Walmart bought a test and took it in the bathroom. I wasn't the only one that had done that today ... there was a Walmart brand test in the trash can. No test stick ... I wonder if they were lucky or not ... I wonder if negative or positive was lucky for them. Anyhow ... I peed on the stick ... I watched it ... nothing. Then around 4ish minutes I swear I saw pink. I could see it ... but it was barely there. Then I left with the test in my pocket. I kept pulling it out and looking at it. It got even less dark if that was possible. Then when I got home I pulled up HPT faq's and Answer brand test is known for 'disappearing positives' that are actually negatives ... of course this is with a blue test line and I was looking at a pink test line. So ... now I have no clue. I still have hope ... just slightly tinged hope.

I have been feeling cramps ... actually lower abdomen ... uterine ... heaviness for many days ... since back when I first mentioned cramps ... I just kept forgetting to write it on here. Again, I'm writing this because IF it is negative tomorrow then I need to know this for next time so that I don't get hyped up because of new symptoms that weren't there last cycle when they actually were.

OK ... I'll be back tomorrow with good news or bad.

Found the Smell

So two of the younger kiddlets had found a candle and had been digging in it. This is the candle that I relocated out of my room because I couldn't stand the smell ... and they have proceeded to drage little bits and pieces of it throughout the house :(

BB's are still major sore.

All I want to eat is Hot and Sour soup ... like nothing else sounds remotely good ... of course this is probably normal all cycle long with me :)

I'm ... ummm ... maybe a little bit moody as well. Ok, even I think I'm moody.

And I'm still cramping ... like curl your toes type of cramps.

And I have had diarhea all day today.

And I have had touches of heartburn.

I am writing this down because if I get a bfn I want to be able to look back at this cycle and realize that these symptoms happen even in the event of a bfn. So next time I shouldn't overanalyze any sumptom whatsoever.

Cramping

I woke up cramping last night. Not the uterine cramping where I have hope that it is nothing more then implantation cramping. These are the lower back cramps that I get just before I start my period every month ... leaving me going to the bathroom multiple times in an hour looking for blood.

Uggghhhh ... I really hate this ttc business ... it just stinks!!!

April Fools Day

Thirteen years ago today I looked at my husband and said "honey ... I don't want to scare you ... but I'm pregnant!" His face turned white as a sheet and he almost killed us by swerving off the road.

Today I remembered that long ago April's fool day joke and laughed bitterly. Then I looked at my husband and said "honey ... I'm pregnant!". This time his mouth curved into a smile and his eyes momentarily lit up ... until I said April's Fool Day. It was a lot funnier 13 years ago then it was today ...

I Vomited Last Night

How's that for a topic title?!?

Well, it's about that simple. I woke up at 12:30 with a bad stomacheache. I tried ignoring it and going back to sleep. I tried tooting. I tried going poo. Nothing was helping. So I vomited. It helped ... then my tummyache came back. So I vomited again. This time I felt better.

Noone else is sick so I don't think it is a virus. It was mostly digested so I don't think it was the food that I ate ... which coincidentally ... was the same food that everyone else and again I was the only one who got sick.

I would love to think this is a good sign and I am pregnant. However, I have enough hormones raging through my body that I have no doubt that my body does think I'm pregnant. Let's see, there are the nightly progesterone shots to my bum, the daily estrogen pills that I'm popping, there was the hcg injection I took on Tuesday ... hcg as in the pregnancy hormone itself. So, at this point it doesn't surprise me that I vomited due to pregnancy symptoms even if I'm not indeed pregnant.

Oh, speaking of pregnancy symptoms ... my bb's are killing me. And there is a smell in the house that is bothering me. It is not a bad smell ... it might actually be called a good smell by some if you go for that type of smell ... something flowery. I just can't figure out where it is coming from. I'll walk in a room and there it is ... no rhyme or reason. The smell must go!

14 Days In ... IUI

Ironic eh?!? In a typical cycle, ovulation occurs on cd 14 ... and today on cd 14 I had my IUI with the anticipation that ovulation woud occur today.

The IUI went without a hitch. I showed up at 9 am and they prepared the sample. 61 million pre-wash and 31 million post wash with a motility of 31% ... this is the best IUI sample we have ever seen so that is exciting.

I start the PIO shots tomorrow .. that's the big 1 1/2 inch intramuscular needle ... yucky ... but I'll do anything to increase our chances.

Then in two weeks ... on the 7th ... I go back in for my beta test ... praying it's positive!!!

13 Days In Part 2

So ... here's a twist ... it's kind of best case scenario (hopefully) ... but with an alternate ending.

I'm apparently surging already ... which means the IUI earlier rather then later. 9 am tomorrow morning in fact. It's on a Friday which we were hoping to avoid ... but 9 am is totally doable ... compared to 11 am when we were to have school conferences and 2 pm when we have little man's birthday party.

I'm slightly concerned about the surging. We would be predicting things well if we had the hcg ... now we are guestimating ... but I guess you work with what you are given. I always thought we would sit the cycle out if it came to this ... but we have already invested alot of money into this cycle ... what with the appointments every day instead of every other or every third day.

She originally wanted me to go ahead and take the hcg this evening. I asked the nurse why I shouldn't just take it now since I was already surging. She asked the doctor then called me back and said to go ahead and take it now.

So plan of action ...

3/22 ... HCG
3/23 ... IUI
3/24 ... 1st PIO injection
3/27 ... 2nd HCG injection
4/7ish ... Beta

13 Days In

Looking good this morning.

Right Side ... 1 @ 18.5, 1 @ 17.5 and 1 @ 11*
Left Side ... 1 @ 14.5
Lining ... 10.0 Triple

* The 11 is shrinking as it was a 13 yesterday so it is not a contender. No biggee ... I still have 2 1/2. I say 2 1/2 because the 14.5 doesn't have much hope of actually ovulating ... but there is a possibility.

So ... when I asked about the possibilities she is thinking trigger tonight or tomorrow night based on blood levels ... but wouldn't give me a definitive thought.

12 Days In Part 2

I heard back from the Doc's office ... it's best case scenario. Continue with the same meds and go back in tomorrow for bloodwork and u/s.

My estradiol was up to 319. I asked today about the estradiol ... they want to see 100 per mature follie.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

12 Days In

I had my doctor's appointment today. I checked on the Estradiol from two days ago ... it was 147 not 179 ... 140 something ... I think it was 147. Today's Estradiol was 182.

Right side: 1 @ 16.5, 1 @ 15.5 and 1 @ 13
Left side: 1 @ 13.5
Lining: 8.something Triple

With regards to the lining I asked if it was possible for it to get too big and the NP said no it wasn't going to get too thick and that mine was looking really good. So I forgot to look at the exact number as she was doing it because I was so relieved that it couldn't get too thick.

I had Patty double check my numbers before I left because I wanted to make sure I had the size of the follies right ... I did ... but then she went and said that I should be expecting to trigger soon because my LH is creeping up. Now that's got me a tad bit worried. Waiting to hear back from the docor's office with my new set of instructions.

I'm thinking one of three things ...

1) my lh surged and I can expect to go in for the IUI tomorrow. This is not good because a) my follies aren't at 18 yet and b) because I have to to take Dawn to the airport tomorrow morning and Jason is in training all day. It would be absolutely miserable taking 4 kids ... especially kids this young to the IUI with me. They would think I'm crazy ... and wonder why I'm going through infertility treatments.

2) they think I'm ready to trigger tonight which would put the IUI on Friday. This is not good because a) the kids have conferences at 11:00 and 11:20 on Friday and b) Thomas birthday party is on Friday at 2 pm. Which means the only time we could do the IUI is at noon ... or after 4 pm on Friday.

3) go back in tomorrow for another u/s and bloodwork. This is the best case scenario even if it does cost me another $75. Then we can likely wait until at least Saturday before having the IUI. A Saturday IUI would be the bestest ... I would spend $75 to have the IUI on a Saturday.

11 Days In

I was up all night thinking about this appointment that I had scheduled this morning. If my largest follicle was at 12.5 yesterday and follicles don't normally grow more then 1 mm a day and they want the follicle to grow to 18 before triggering ... why would they bring me in?!?

Still makes no sense ... when I asked the NP about it today ... she said it's hard to know what the doctor was thinking. He must have been wanting to keep an eye on something or had an idea about something. Hmmmm ... hoogly googly if you ask me. I think they just wanted my extra $75 that today's appointment was going to cost me.

Anyhow ... estradiol from yesterday was 179 or 1 something ... I can't remember the exact number but I think it was 179.

Right side ... 2 @ 14 and 1 @ 12
Left side ... 1 @ 11
Lining ... 7.8 triple striped

So ... now I sit and wait for the next phone call. There is nooo way that I will be triggering tonight with an IUI on Thursday ... so I guess that's good ... gets me past Thursday with taking Dawn to the airport and Jason being in training. Phewww.

Now it's a sit and wait game to find out what happens next. Unfortately, I will likely miss their call tonight because I will be picking Dawn up from the airport and if they leave me any controversial instructions I won't catch them until after they close ... hopefully it will be same ole same ole ...

Awwwwwwww

Well, I got the call this afternoon. Same meds ... 3 Gonal F, 1 Repronex and the estrace and going back in tomorrow for another sono and bloodwork.

So I sent him the following email ...

In other news ... I have to take 3 gonal F, 1 repronex, and an estrace and go back to the doctor tomorrow ... by myself with two kids. Which also means we will probably trigger tomorrow night and have the IUI on Thursday ... by myself with two kids ... oh crap ... maybe 4 kids ... just lovely ..

and I get the following response ...

We figure something out! I won’t leave you hanging…we are doing this together!

He gets it!!! He really gets it!!!




ps ... Dawn is bringing her kidlets tomorrow for me to watch for the three weeks while she is TDY and while Brian is deployed. Her two plus my two equals possibly four kids in the room with me doing the IUI. That's not a sight you see very often in a fertility joint.

10 Days In

Wow ... today has a few firsts. The first first ... daddy is back in town and graciously agreed to stay home with the kidlets so that mommy can strip down in privacy. The second first was that when mommy got home the first thing daddy said was ... how did it go? I wonder if he has caught on to the fact that we are trying to get pregnant?!?

About the appointment ... before I forget ... estradiol was at 49 at my last visit.

Lining: When he measured it, it said 6.8 but when he relayed this to the nurse he said Triple 7 ... I think that's a good thing.
Right side: 1 @ 13.5 and 1 @ 12 with a bunch of smallers
Left side: 1 @ 10 with some smallers

Now this surprised me ... I have been having some major twinges on my left side ... I thought for sure my left side had kicked in ... guess not. I guess the right side is indeed the active side this go round.

I'll be back later to update after the phone call giving me my next set of instructions.

EWCM

I'm thinking that my Estradiol level has increased over the last few days as I seem to have some EWCM today ... it wasn't here yesterday ... that's for sure. Of course ... Jason came home from New Mexico yesterday so that 'might' have something to do with it. But I'm seriously thinking it is the EWCM.

Also ... I felt ovary pain last night ... my left side which according to Dr. Drosch is dormant this cycle ... but we'll see the results of that tomorrow morning now won't we ...


Hmmm ... I'm wondering now if my left side is just an overachiever and my right side is slow and mellow. And when we get lots from my left side we trigger quickly ... but when my right side has to step up to the plate we trigger later rather then sooner?!? Just a theory ...

Contemplation

It seems my body has this weird cycle thing going on.

My first Injectable/IUI cycle in Iowa I triggered quickly. My second Injectable/IUI cycle in Iowa I was expecting to trigger quickly ... but alas ... we kept going and going and going. I think it took about 4 additional days that time.

My first IVF I triggered quickly. My second IVF I was expecting to trigger quickly ... but alas ... we kept going and going and going. I think it took an additional 4 days that time as well.

My first Injectable/IUI cycle with LIIVF I triggered quickly. My second Injectable/IUI cycle with LIIVF ... well I don't know the results yet ... but we are in line to keep going and going and going.

At least there is a recognizable pattern here.

7 Days In

I had another appointment this morning. Jason is still in New Mexico so it was me and the kiddlets again. I had the pap smear this morning so that's over with. Littlest one kept trying to peep out the curtain ... he wasn't trying to look at me ... he was trying to look at the other people in the room.

It wasn't the bestest of appointments ... but it could have been worse ... I guess. She started off with the lining and it was only 4.9. Even I know it should have been thicker then that. Then she went to the right and found a few 7's and I think a 9 or a 10 ... I'll have to check next time I'm in. That was fine because we had more on the left side the last visit anyhow ... unfortunately ... they were gone. She went over the left and there was nothing there. She kept looking ... then went back to look at the notes. She thinks one of the 10's might have been a blood vessel. She finally found the other 10 ... but thinks it might be the shrinking cyst from last cycle. So now she is thinking that the right side is the active side this cycle.

I don't know what my Estradiol was ... but it must have been low because my call back has me continuing on the same meds and coming back in next Monday as compared to Sunday.

4 Days In

I had an appointment this morning. Did I mention that Jason is in New Mexico going through training and I'm doing this solo. In fact, when I mention "I have a Dr's appointment tomorrow" he says "why?". I wonder if he even knows we are doing this. If I get pregnant he might be really surprised!!!

Updated 3/18/06 ... I literally just told him I wrote this ... and he wasn't listening ... so he still doesn't know that we are trying to get pregnant. Ironic ... I have ALWAYS wanted a surprise pregnancy ... but I wanted to be the one that was surprised.

Results of the U/S

Lining: 4
Right Side: 1 @ 7 and a few smaller ones
Left Side: 2 @ 10
Estradiol: <35

CD 2 ... Baseline Report

Whooohooo ... we got the go ahead. I did have a cyst on my left ovary ... but it was only about a 17 ... and it was the side I ovulated on this last cycle. The blood tests confirmed that it wasn't an acting follicle ... so we are on!!!

3 Gonal F
1 Repronex
1 Estrace
Come back on Tuesday for bloodwork and sono

That's what I'm supposed to be taking. But I pulled my meds out of the garage and I realized that they had been stored at subfreezing temps. The box indicates that they should be stored between 36 and 77 degrees F. Luckily I had two boxes of Follistim and 1 box of repronex left over in the fridge so I will be using these.

CD 1

Ironic ... I think I actually had a 13 day luteal phase ... unmedicated ... wow!!! This is based on CM ... I think I ovulated on either the 23rd, 24th or 25th of February.

It's a No Go

I was set to have a regularly scheduled pap smear today ... but today may or may not have been CD 2. Oh yeah ... I'm an unusual one who gets started on treatment on cd 2 instead of cd 3.

Anyhow, yesterday I started spotting. It was pretty much just spotting but it turned red with a few clots last night ... and it was definitely hitting the pad. If it was any other cycle I wouldn't have counted it cd 1 ... but since I'm supposed to start meds on cd 2 I wasn't sure.

I called this morning and they said to go ahead and come on in for an ultrasound and they would be able to tell based on the thickness of the lining. So I go in ... and there hasn't been any red since fmu this morning so I'm seriously doubting that today is even cd 1 let alone cd 2. But we do the ultrasound anyhow.

Unfortunately, there was a 30 mm cyst on the left hand side and a 17 mm cyst on the right hand side. I am pretty sure that I ovulated on the right hand side this cycle and that is likely left overs and wouldn't prove to be a problem. The 30 mm cyst would be a problem in an injectable cycle so I have to sit this cycle out :( Bummed ... but not devastated.

I didn't get the pap smear because there had been red. So now I need to reschedule that as well.

Dr. Drosch did mention that she wants to add Estrace to my meds regimen to help with my lining. It was pretty thin last cycle ... like a 5.9 I think?!? Oh, and I think the lining today was around 5.9 too ... so it likely wasn't cd 2 ... crazy!

Filled and Spilled

I had the HSG. I wasn't nervous ... I just went ... did it ... and it was over. The good news is ... my tubes are not blocked. We didn't have any reason to suspect that they were ... but it's good to know for sure.

Now we just wait until my next cycle starts and we should be a go ...

Consultation

I had an appointment with Dr. Drosch today. I had to drag the kids along ... that was fun ... not.

Anyhow ... we have a plan of action. I need to redo some bloodwork, schedule an HSG and schedule a pap smear ... then I should be good to go for our next cycle.

We had discussed me waiting for my next period and then calling in and scheduling an HSG. The HSG has to be performed prior to ovulation ... supposedly so there is no chance of a pregnancy ... ummmm ... hello?!? Anyhow ... I was able to talk the scheduler into getting me into for the HSG on the 29th. It will still be before ovulation and that way I don't have to sit a cycle out just for the HSG.

Medical Spending Account

We were smart this year ... we figured out how much we expected to pay between medical and dental and contributed that to our Medical Spending Account. $4,200 ... ouch!!!

Anyhow, this amount includes two full treatment cycles including all costs. Praying we don't need the second one.