11 DPO ...

My bb's quit hurting the other day and then started hurting like crazy today. Good sign right? Apparently not.

Yesterday I was 100% sure that I would not test until Thursday because I wanted to hold onto the hope of an actual pregnancy. Today after about an hour of poking my bb's I just got up went to the bathroom, peed in a cup and stuck the stick in. I guess I didn't have that much resolve in me after all. It was negative. This was the two line kind of test and of course there was a second line ... I knew it was an evaporation line but it came up within 3 minutes. So, since I still had the cup of pee I put the other stick in. This is the digital one that actually has words ... not pregnant. At least it's definitive.

CD 8 ... 7 days In

My theory is currently holding true ... fast, slow, fast, slow, fast, slow and fast again ... in regards to how long it takes me to stim.

As a recap ... this time last cycle I had my 2nd monitoring appointment where I had a lining of 4.9, a few 7's and a 9 or a 10 on my right side and a shrinking 10 on my left.

This cycle ... big difference ...

Lining ... screen read 7.7 but it was recorded as triple 8
Right Side ... 1 @ 15.5, 1 @ 15 and 1 @ 7
Left Side ... 1 @ 15 and 1 @ 18

I am anxious to see where things stand when they call. If it was two cycles ago I think they would have me trigger tonight. But, when I had the consult with Dr. Drosch in January she indicated they would hold me off as long as possible. But then again, I did surge on my own last cycle. And yet they have ordered ganirellex for me to prevent surging. But being that I already have one at 18, we might not have started the ganirellex in time. I have been called a medical anomaly in the past ... I think it still holds true ...

I do think it is safe to say that the IUI will happen sooner rather then later.

CD 6 ... 5 Days In

I had my first monitoring appointment today. I'm feeling pretty good about it.

Right Side
2 @ 10 and 2 smaller

Left Side
1 @ 10 and 1 @ 11

Lining
6.6

We discussed the possibility of going with two samples this time around. She highly recommends having two available in case one falls ... whereby they would cover the cost ... or in case the numbers are very low.

We then discussed the use of Ganirellex. She looked over my chart and saw that I surged last cycle on my own. The surge came at an appropriate time where I had a 18.5, a 17.5 and a 14.5. This ... meaning the surge ... would be another case where we would use two samples and have two IUI's. In this case they would do an u/s to see if there has been a collapse of a follie and if not, they would do a second IUI.

However, back to the Ganirellex, she thinks it would be an appropriate med to use in my situation. She warned that it is more aggressive, slightly improving the odds for multiples. We discussed how two is ideal, three is ok ... but we want to avoid quads. Obviously. But, we put back four embryo's ... actual babies ... and we didn't get a take home baby. She merely said 'point taken ... let's do it'.

So, they are calling in the Ganirellex for me today and I'll hear back from Freedom Drugs tomorrow. Also the Estrace ... which they are ordering the generic for me this time around. I don't get this ... I was on estrace for 27 days last cycle. I told Patty I had 4 and she ordered me an additional 20. Why would she order me only 20? That puts me at 24 ... 3 shy of how many I used last cycle. And when she ordered it ... she ordered brand name only ... which cost me $27 instead of $10. So, I paid $17 over the going price originally and now I have to pay another $10 ... that is IF the insurance company will let me order more so quickly after ordering the first set. Grrrr!!!

CD 2 ... 1 Day In

I had my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork this morning ... all was fine and I will be starting meds tonight.

3 Gonal F
1 Repronex
1 Estrace Tablet

Patty, my nurse, called three times. Once returning my call and telling me that we are a go, once telling me to start on cd 3 not cd 2 ... and once telling me nevermind on the cd 3 thing that I needed to start on cd 2.

I go back in on Sunday for more u/s and bloodwork.

CD 1 ... Again

After several days of very light flow I finally got full flow today. I called the doctor's office several times over the last several days telling them I had flow but it wasn't full flow. They assured me that I needed to wait until I had full flow. I took their advice, not wanting to go in with lining that was too thick and possibly another cyst.

I go in tomorrow for the baseline.

Negative

And Now There Is Blood

I had my blood drawn this morning at 8 am.

I wish that was the blood that I was referring to. When I got home from the neurologist with little man I went to the bathroom and I saw red when I wiped. This is not good news.

I know that I wrote all my symptoms down so that next time I wouldn't overanalyze every little thing ... but I still had strong hope that this was THE cycle anyhow.

It's not full flow yet ... only spotting and only when I wipe. We have made the decision to try again with the next cycle ... if I don't have any cysts. So when cd 1 officially arrives which may very well be today ... if not then probably tomorrow I will call in and get my cd 2 baseline on the books.

I'm going to ask about the possibility of using lupron or ganirelex as a lh inhibitor this time around. From what I know, it's not common to use during ovulation induction cycles ... at least I have never heard of it ... I just don't know why. Doesn't hurt to ask.

Also, we will be having two IUI's this next cycle instead of just the one.

The Night Before

Tomorrow is the big day ... I go in tomorrow morning at 8 am sharp for my blood test ... actually a little bit earlier as we need to be across the street at St. Charles Hospital for Little Man's appointment with the neurologist.

How do I feel? My bb's are killing me. I have a sore throat. I'm having severe food aversions. I'm feeling blah ...

I took a test tonight. It was negative ... maybe. It was about 20 minutes after I peed. I had been drinking alot ... a can of soda and a 32 oz cup of water. I went to Walmart bought a test and took it in the bathroom. I wasn't the only one that had done that today ... there was a Walmart brand test in the trash can. No test stick ... I wonder if they were lucky or not ... I wonder if negative or positive was lucky for them. Anyhow ... I peed on the stick ... I watched it ... nothing. Then around 4ish minutes I swear I saw pink. I could see it ... but it was barely there. Then I left with the test in my pocket. I kept pulling it out and looking at it. It got even less dark if that was possible. Then when I got home I pulled up HPT faq's and Answer brand test is known for 'disappearing positives' that are actually negatives ... of course this is with a blue test line and I was looking at a pink test line. So ... now I have no clue. I still have hope ... just slightly tinged hope.

I have been feeling cramps ... actually lower abdomen ... uterine ... heaviness for many days ... since back when I first mentioned cramps ... I just kept forgetting to write it on here. Again, I'm writing this because IF it is negative tomorrow then I need to know this for next time so that I don't get hyped up because of new symptoms that weren't there last cycle when they actually were.

OK ... I'll be back tomorrow with good news or bad.

Found the Smell

So two of the younger kiddlets had found a candle and had been digging in it. This is the candle that I relocated out of my room because I couldn't stand the smell ... and they have proceeded to drage little bits and pieces of it throughout the house :(

BB's are still major sore.

All I want to eat is Hot and Sour soup ... like nothing else sounds remotely good ... of course this is probably normal all cycle long with me :)

I'm ... ummm ... maybe a little bit moody as well. Ok, even I think I'm moody.

And I'm still cramping ... like curl your toes type of cramps.

And I have had diarhea all day today.

And I have had touches of heartburn.

I am writing this down because if I get a bfn I want to be able to look back at this cycle and realize that these symptoms happen even in the event of a bfn. So next time I shouldn't overanalyze any sumptom whatsoever.

Cramping

I woke up cramping last night. Not the uterine cramping where I have hope that it is nothing more then implantation cramping. These are the lower back cramps that I get just before I start my period every month ... leaving me going to the bathroom multiple times in an hour looking for blood.

Uggghhhh ... I really hate this ttc business ... it just stinks!!!

April Fools Day

Thirteen years ago today I looked at my husband and said "honey ... I don't want to scare you ... but I'm pregnant!" His face turned white as a sheet and he almost killed us by swerving off the road.

Today I remembered that long ago April's fool day joke and laughed bitterly. Then I looked at my husband and said "honey ... I'm pregnant!". This time his mouth curved into a smile and his eyes momentarily lit up ... until I said April's Fool Day. It was a lot funnier 13 years ago then it was today ...

I Vomited Last Night

How's that for a topic title?!?

Well, it's about that simple. I woke up at 12:30 with a bad stomacheache. I tried ignoring it and going back to sleep. I tried tooting. I tried going poo. Nothing was helping. So I vomited. It helped ... then my tummyache came back. So I vomited again. This time I felt better.

Noone else is sick so I don't think it is a virus. It was mostly digested so I don't think it was the food that I ate ... which coincidentally ... was the same food that everyone else and again I was the only one who got sick.

I would love to think this is a good sign and I am pregnant. However, I have enough hormones raging through my body that I have no doubt that my body does think I'm pregnant. Let's see, there are the nightly progesterone shots to my bum, the daily estrogen pills that I'm popping, there was the hcg injection I took on Tuesday ... hcg as in the pregnancy hormone itself. So, at this point it doesn't surprise me that I vomited due to pregnancy symptoms even if I'm not indeed pregnant.

Oh, speaking of pregnancy symptoms ... my bb's are killing me. And there is a smell in the house that is bothering me. It is not a bad smell ... it might actually be called a good smell by some if you go for that type of smell ... something flowery. I just can't figure out where it is coming from. I'll walk in a room and there it is ... no rhyme or reason. The smell must go!